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#NotABurden

On this #ThoughtfulThursday, here are just a few misconceptions that come up time and time again, both in my professional work as an autism consultant and in my personal life as a guardian to my deaf, autistic brother Tommy:

“He can’t be autistic. He’s so sociable and friendly.”
“He probably doesn’t enjoy music since he’s deaf.”

And the most painful of late:
“You’re so patient. He must be such a burden.”

To that, I say this: autistic communication is often incredibly purposeful and is focused on building connection, expressing needs, or sharing interests. Being autistic doesn’t mean a lack of connection; it simply means connection may look different. But the desire for human connection is universal.

And yes, he’s deaf. But music and dancing are some of his biggest joys. In fact, sometimes I think he feels music more deeply than I do. Every vibration, beat, and rhythm flows through his hands and body. Lately, experimenting with my dad’s new guitar has become another beautiful avenue for connection.

And as for patience? I don’t know that I have more of it than anyone else. Love isn’t about convenience or reciprocity; but rather, it’s about seeing a person’s worth and choosing to show up for them. When you recognize someone’s dignity, your commitment to their well-being naturally outweighs any discomfort.

Tommy has shaped so much of who I am. He’s taught me to slow down, notice the smallest details, and find meaning in unexpected places. Most of all, he reminds me every day that all people have value, exactly as they are.

So to all the naysayers out there:
Enjoy this video of a deaf, autistic man vibing to a guitar.

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